This really is truly the single most important verbal skill that you will ever learn in your whole entire life.

When you use Reflective Listening you let the other person know that you understand them.

Reflective listening involves reflecting (verbally restating in your own words) the feelings and information from what you heard the other person saying to you. This helps each of you to now whether you’ve understood them. It also tells them that your intention is to understand and accept what they said. If done well, it helps the person to clarify their own thoughts and feelings.

Reflective listening is an extremely useful helping skill, and to use it well, you need to be feeling free enough of your own problems to focus on the other person. You also need to trust the person to find good solutions rather than wanting to convince them of your own. This is not a skill for when you want to influence the person. Reflective listening also requires the person to be willing to talk: you can’t force them to open up. Also, of course, when simple information is required, you need to give it, not just listen empathically.

Reflective listening tells the other that you are interested in their concerns, that you can accept them having problems and trust that they will solve them. It deepens your relationship, as you will really start to hear what clients and colleges say. That is it’s risk, and it’s beauty. As a spin-off benefit, colleges may benefit from your modeling and start to reflectively listen to your concerns about them.

This really is truly the single most important verbal skill that you will ever learn in your whole entire life. It is a skill which effective facilitators, group leaders, counsellors, consultants, sales people, leaders, health professionals, Teachers and Parents use more than any other skill. And this Reflective listening goes under many different names or identities, such as
• The Empathic Ear
• Active Listening
• The Understanding Response
• Verbal Pacing
• Paraphrasing

Because communication is a two-way street, It means that it is as important to be a good message sender as it is to be a good listener. While hearing is an activity that requires little physical effort, to do it properly is hard work. Listening properly is not easy!

The effective use of listening is an important skill in anyone’s life. And believe it or not, reflective listening really does check for and clarify understanding of what the other person has said, create the feeling of empathy and build a positive rapport between both people.

So, what is it that you can actually reflective listen?

You will be surprised by what you can reflective listen when in a conversation with another person. You will be able to reflective listen anything and everything from what you hear the other say to you when they are speaking to you, right down to the emotions the other is feeling at the time and even their non-verbal cues or Body Language.

When you use reflective listening you express to the other person your:
• Desire to understand how the other person is thinking and feeling.
• Belief in the person’s ability to understand the situation, identify solutions, select an appropriate choice, and implement it responsibly.
• Belief the person is worthwhile.
• Respect and/or willingness to accept other people's feelings.
• Desire to help.
• Willingness not to judge the person.
• Desire to share how others perceive what they say or do.
• Desire to explore a problem and help them understand the dimensions of the problem, possible choices and their consequences.