Communication is a code that we use to describe to others what is going on inside ourselves

Communication is the Glue that holds our relationships together and it can be the very thing that tears us apart. – Stacey Huish

Communication has been described to me on many occasions as being very complicated, complex and tricky. The only thing that makes communication so complicated is the many different meanings that each of place upon one single word.

My hope here with you is to uncomplicate and untricky communication. I hope that by the time you read through to the end of these pages you will have a more through understanding what communication is all about.

Let’s get started!

According to the Wikipedia dictionary: communication is defined as:

Communication is the process of transferring information from a sender to a receiver with the use of a medium in which the communicated information is understood by both sender and receiver. It is a process that allows organisms to exchange information by several methods.

Communication is a code that we use to describe to others what is going on inside ourselves, our feelings, what our needs and wants are, what our experiences are or have been.

In it’s most simplest and basic form Communication is the use of words to describe and convey a message to another person.
Or in other words, communication is one person giving information to another.

Communication can also be described as a two-way activity between two or more people. And this covers just about any and all interactions with another person.

Communication is sharing information, ideas and feelings between people.

Let’s have a look at what communication is in more detail.
The following diagram was developed by Claude Shannon and Warren Weaver (1949 “The Mathematical Theory of Communication”) to explain how communication occurs.

When one person sends a message to another, as the diagram shows, the person sending the message (represented as the circle on the left) has to “encode” their thoughts and feelings. They have to find some words or actions that will be a code for their meaning. The person receiving the message (represented as the circle on the right) can’t read their mind; they have to ‘decode’ the words or actions to understand what was meant.

When used properly, communication is like a doubling acting hinge. Swinging outward to release your own ideas and swinging inward to receive the worthy thoughts of others. – Stacey Huish

There are various types of communication, some of which are used more commonly them others.....

• Verbal
• Non-Verbal
• Values
• Beliefs
• Thoughts

In this section, we will be discussing in depth, two of the different types of communication. Verbal and non-verbal communication. You are then invited to click through on the highlighted words which will take you to more in-depth discussions on the other topics.

Verbal Communication
Verbal communication is when a person puts across their message by speaking.

The person sending the message has a tough job on their hands. They are expected in most cases to be able to send a message to the other person that clearly expresses all of their feelings, needs, wants, dreams, hopes, messages, values, beliefs and thoughts using only the English language that we have available to us today.

The receiver has an even tougher job then the sender, they have to be able to listen to the information, decipher it and understand all that that was communicated to them, and if need be, act upon any part of the message.
Now, if the receiver of the message gets it wrong, OH! Goodness!! The sender of the messages generally gets upset and feels as if they are not being listened to. This causes friction, tension, conflict, and sometimes even anger.
The receiver of the message who is meant to understand what was said, many times(only by pure accident) miss-understands the message and therefore needs to be skilled up to know how to understand the sender of the message. This is when reflective listening is best used.

What can make a huge difference to the use of verbal communication is the way you use your voice. The sound of your voice when you speak has a significant impact on how the message you are trying to get across to someone is actually received by them.

These are some of the vocal clues to look out for.
• Tone
• Pitch
• Volume
• Timbre
• Speed.

Non-verbal Communication

Non-verbal communication can also be a tricky subject. Just like with verbal communication, the non-verbal communication is made tricky and complicated by the copious amounts of meanings that people place on the actions of another person.

There are thousands and thousands of ideas, thoughts and feelings that are communicated without words every single day. And only one third of a message that is sent in a person-to-person exchange is in words alone, the other two thirds of the message is made up of non-verbal communication. All non-verbal communication cues are learnt from the environment and through our culture. Every single person has the ability to read non-verbal cues and therefore every single person has the ability to misinterpret the non-verbal communication cues as well. This also means that every single person has the ability to miss-understand the meaning of all of these cues.

The following are some examples of non-verbal communication;
• Yawning
• Tears
• Frowning
• Crossing arms
• Averting eyes
• Hugging
• Smiling
• Touch
• Winking
• Pointing
• Nodding or shaking of the head
• And Many Many More (I could go on forever here)

There are different types of non-verbal communication which include but not restricted to:
• Body language
• Physical characteristics and appearance
• Space
• Environment

Lets have a look at the different types of non-verbal communication in more detail:

Body language

Body language or the language of the body is the way that we communicate most of if not all of our non-verbal communication.

Every single part of the bodies is associated with body language, and expressing how we feel about someone or something. One of the main parts of our bodies used for non-verbal communication is our face. Our face is very expressive and can communicate many different emotions without the use of words at all. Facial expressions are used to tell someone else how we are feeling right now. And can convey our messages with fairly precise accuracy. Other parts of the body such as your arms, legs, hands, fingers, etc can also be used to communicate, pointing and giving directions. Or sometimes it is how we use these different parts of the body that can let others know how we are feeling. For instance, if we hit , kick, punch, or pinch someone then we are definitely conveying a very strong message to that person. Our non-verbal communication can either encourage or discourage open channels of communication.

Physical appearance

The unfortunate reality is that a lot of people will judge you a lot of the time based on your physical appearance, and communicate to you according to what they think you are communicating to them. Your body shape and size, cleanliness, hygiene, your hair, clothing, how you hold yourself, and your persona is all communicating something to someone. Based on the communication that you portray through your physical appearance will have a lot to do with how people communicate to you as well. Think about it for one minute, how do you talk to someone who is homeless and living on the streets in ragged, dirty clothes and has not showered in several months or even years? And how do you talk to someone who stands in front of you, who drove up in a Porsche, and wears a business suite? And how do you talk to your friends, those people who are very similar to you, and you hang out with a lot? So, keep in mind that your physical appearance really does communicate a lot about you and can influence how others communicate to you as well.

Space

Another form of non-verbal communication is Space. Space is the distance that you put between yourself and the other person, the way you control your space around others really does send a message to them. Generally there is either one of two messages being sent. “I want you to be close to me” or “I want you to keep your distance.” There are 4 settings within which communication can take place.
• public - distance in a public meeting.
• social - distance when speaking to strangers including work colleagues.
• personal - distance when speaking to someone of equal status.
• intimate - distance when allowing personal contact and closeness.

Environment

Environment is a really big one. Environment is another form of non-verbal communication. When I am talking about environment here I am talking about the space that we live in (our home), the space that we learn in (the classroom), Spaces that we visit on a daily basis for work, sport or other activities.

The environment really can affect the way communication is taken or understood. The way the room is organised, the colour, temperature, ventilation and smells all affect communication. The environment can have both a positive and negative effect on you.

I want you to think about your home for a moment. Does it make you feel good or bad? It is neat, tidy and clean or full of empty cans and pizza boxes? What about your building at work, how do you feel when you enter the building and sit at your desk? And imagine for just one minute if you walked into work one day and found rubbish all over the floor, homeless people camped out under your desk on mattress sleeping, how would you feel about your work environment then?

At any of these stages, misunderstandings can occur. These can easily lead to hurt, anger or confusion. The good news is that with a little know how, these misunderstandings can be easily corrected. When we communicate we also give a great deal of information without using words; by our body posture, by our tone of voice, and by the expression on our face.These non-verbal means of communicating can tell the other person how we feel about them. If our feelings don't fit with the words, it tends to be the non-verbal communication that gets heard and believed. Try saying "I love you" to your partner in a flat, bored tone of voice without looking at him or her, and see what reaction you get!

The message you send is not necessarily the one the other person will receive and respond to. There are three ways we can guard against this sort of distortion. If you are sending a message: